TRUST

Okay,
I'm upset
again


and sorry, but I need to vent it out


to be honest I'm even upset at myself
I'm bummed out because people who shouldn't matter bothered me
but I can't help it
I've tried 
many many times


I tried not to give a fuck of the world
heck yeah it feels good
but it doesn't last long
it can't last long
what? am I supposed to walk with one eye closed?
pretending that I only see things I want to see?
yeah I did that
and I tripped because of that
so I opened both eyes again, it's only reflex


yeah I know my mouth is still shut
so I am part of the guilty ones of letting this feeling as well
I only hope that they will get it
I can only wish that there's remorse comes along with those bitchy speeches
but they laugh and laugh
and moan and whine
and pretty much that's how they bond
and I hate it
and...
I don't wanna be involved in those kind of conversations
but
sometimes I'm drawn to it too
and I hate it more
I repent and I repel that 


is it really necessary to bring someone down?
does it make them feel better?
Is it just for fun?
Did they not think about what it feels like to be made fun of?
I don't know


No I'm not a saint for thinking this
this is only a selfish thought
because every single time I heard that kind of conversation
I doubt that I can trust them
and I don't feel like there's anyone I can trust now


I only ask for one thing in people
not to stab anybody's back
all else I'm willing to bear with


but I guess I picked the worst trait to choose
cos damn hard it is to find someone I can trust