Maybe there really is something wrong with me
I've spent most of my life wanting to never exist
spent my childhood thinking it's best to die as a baby, or fetus
discovered that it disgust me to cry when I was in 2nd or 3rd grade
made a vow few minutes after that discovery moment that I'll never cry,
whenever I feel like crying, better be mad, be angry as long as it involves no tears
spent a lot of solitary times as a teenager while being angry at the world
still liking that very solitude
and I think of giving birth to a life as something that can be as terrible as ending one's life, except if it's your own
in fact, I think it's more selfish to give birth to a life than committing a suicide
I'm always sad
even when I seem happy
I've never been happy
I've only been less miserable
and I know all the look-at-the-bright-side theory
very well indeed
and that makes me just so Goddamn annoying
I'm even annoyed at my own self whenever I'm not annoyed by anyone else
I'm pretty sure God made a mistake
that's why I hate birthdays
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